Meet the SS2000

I don't blog often, but when I do, it's about the most important stuff in our family's lives. Those things that I'm most passionate about, that make me all giddy inside. This is why today, I present to you a blog post about (dun dun da duhhhhh): The DeVilbiss Snot Sucker 2000. (It's actually the DeVilbiss Homecare Suction Unit. Not quite the same ring to it, right?) Here's a photo of it:

This blurry photo shows Colin making out with it. He loves it almost as much as I do.

(I took a video of it in action, but it was crap because I can't record a video on my phone AND pin down little flailing arms and hands that like to help AND keep a little head still, all at the same time. You'll just have to imagine the hum of the motor and the delicious slurping, sucking sounds.)

This device--slightly smaller than a car battery--has brought our family immense joy and satisfaction in our daily lives. And by "our family," I mean me, because I'm the mom, and you know what they say about when Mama's happy. The reason I have this wondrous apparatus is that a couple months ago, I told my pediatrician (I have a MAJOR doctor crush on the guy--he's just been so great to our family over the years) that it seemed like Colin's nose was ALWAYS congested, and that any congestion made it really hard for him to eat and sleep, because of his teeny-tiny little airways. I joked to him, "I want one of those wall-mounted suction things like they have in the NICU. Those things are so awesome!" He said, "OK, then. Let's get you one." I think he could tell that I really wanted to kiss him (and I definitely can't do that because I still need him to be our doctor. A restraining order might get in the way of our relationship), so he quickly added, "Well... not a wall-mounted one, but I can prescribe an electric one that will work almost as well." He (more likely, his lovely office staff ladies) called a local home health company and ordered one, and their delivery guy brought it that day. If I'd known how dramatically that guy's delivery would alter the course of my life, I'd have had balloons, flowers, and champagne waiting for him.... Or maybe tickets to a Monster Truck Rally.

Right after I got the SS2000, I did a science experiment with it, which basically just involved sucking out as much snot as I could from Colin's nose with the stupid bulb syringe (those things might work a whole lot better if the bulb part was about as big as a watermelon, so they could get some good suction behind them. But then they'd be a lot harder to pack in the diaper bag....), and then, when I'd gotten out as much as I possibly could with it, firing up the Snot Sucker 2000 and having at it. The results were stupendous! After that little experiment I left the bulb syringe out on the dresser just so I could sneer at it when I passed and make it feel bad for its pathetic inferiority. I sometimes even leave the SS2000 next to it so it will feel the full weight of its inadequacy and shame.

Don't feel bad for it. It has earned the shame and humiliation.

Here's a link to the newer model (the SS2001?), on amazon.com. They're about $170. I pay about $7 a month to rent one (not sure how much our insurance's portion is, but I don't care because they're evil jerks who deny payment on EVERYTHING)). I get to keep the Machine of Wonderment after 10 months, so I guess it's a rent-to-own set-up. The new model on Amazon says it's stationary, but I'm pretty sure it's portable like mine. I even got a handy carrying bag with my rental, plus an AC adapter to charge it in the car, for when you run errands or bring it with you on all your family vacations (unless your husband is unreasonable like Devin and tells you it's too big and not essential enough (blashphemer) to squeeze into the Suburban for family road trips. Next time I'm sneaking it in somewhere before he loads the car). Just to give you an idea of size, here's a photo of Colin and a Slinky in the bag. Bear in mind that Colin weighs just less than 16 pounds. The SS2000 weighs only about 6.

It's padded, too, for a softer landing when it tips over while you're taking pictures of your baby in it.

I've been trying to convince my friend Lexi to keep bugging her doctor for one of these suckers for her little Abby--Abby's pediatrician is a big jerk who apparently likes little girls to suffer needlessly, so she won't prescribe one. She tells Lexi every time she asks for a prescription that she just needs to toughen up and suck the snot out WITH HER OWN MOUTH. Well... she wants her to buy a Nosefrida, but I bet that's exactly what it feels like to use one of those things. I know, I know--there's a bypass/guard thing that doesn't allow actual contact of nasal secretions with the user's mouth, but how much suction can you really provide if you can't control your gag reflex while using it? Some people just can't handle stuff like that--like others can't handle hearing others chew, or, you know, whatever. Today, I found this article from a British website by Down's Syndrome Medical Interest Group (read it because it's cool, but just be forewarned that it mentions "nasal douches." I'm telling you now so you won't be drinking something while you read it. It HURTS to laugh drinks through your nose). It gives solid medical reasoning for the necessity of  keeping kids with Ds clear of nasal secretions to prevent sinus infections and even ear infections. I want to email this part to Lexi's mean doctor:

Basically the whole skeletal structure of the mid-face and of the throat area behind the mouth tends to be rather cramped so that drainage of normal mucous secretions is compromised. This leads to mucous pooling and stagnating in the nasal passageway and this provides a focus for infection. Once infection sets in yet more mucous is produced and a vicious circle results [....] People have in the past probably been too accepting of the problem, regarding it as an inevitable part of the syndrome. We think that health professionals and parents should now try to be a little more proactive in trying to relieve children of the more severe effects of persistent catarrh which often has a detrimental effect on their general health and well-being. Also, for those who are very congested, reduction of the level of congestion can improve night breathing problems and glue ear.

See, Lexi's doctor? There are other, much nicer doctors out there telling you that you need to quit being such a jerk and prescribe one, already!

I know I've heard lots of my Ds mom friends talk about their kids' persistent ear and sinus infections. Does reading this article change your life, because you realize that maybe "mechanical extraction" might reduce the occurrence of those 2 buggers? I know I personally got super-excited about it, because I've been feeling like having a heavy-duty snot sucker might be frivolous when there are kids around the world suffering from things a lot more major than not having a heavy-duty snot sucker. The info in this article helped me realize that our Snot Sucker 2000 is medically necessary equipment. I believe it's part of the reason we were able to keep Colin from being hospitalized when he had RSV last week (is this an exaggeration? I don't know--I don't have any medically trained staff reviewing my blog posts for accuracy. HOWEVER, the past 2 doctors I've seen have asked me if I have medical training because they were so impressed with my medical savvy. That, or they were hinting that I needed to shut up because they're the doctor, not me....).

So, my point is, ask your doctor about getting one of these sweet, sweet babies (just don't ask Lexi's doctor) if your kid's too young to blow their own nose (or even if they're not. I'd love to use it on my older kids, but they wake up every time they hear it turn on next to their beds. It's kind of noisy. And they're strong enough to fight me off. Oh--that brings me to another point: Colin cries and protests for about the first 10 seconds, and then he lies pretty still in defeat. I think he knows it'll make him feel better. Or possibly he just knows resistance is futile). Your life will be the better for it, I promise. There's nothing quite so satisfying as cleaning out the depths of your little one's nasal/sinus cavities so efficiently that they cough a little from the force of the suction (note--for those of you who might point out that maybe such strong suction could harm little noses--I have a tendency to exaggerate. This is one of those times. Colin's never had a nosebleed from the SS2000, and we use it about 4-5 times a day. We just always use a little saline solution first). (Also, just as a caveat, so you can't say I didn't warn you--the snot sucker's parts need to be cleaned periodically. Like, probably more than every 5 days, unless you don't mind the smell of poo every time you turn it on. Not sure what that's all about. Maybe all bodily secretions end up smelling like poo if they're left in a tube for 5 days.... Is that really too gross? Sorry. Anyway, all you do is take the removable parts off and soak them in bleachy water for about 15 minutes--or, fill a container with bleachy water and suction it into the collection canister--and then rinse them off.)